So I guess reality has finally hit me that I have to take a detour. Do I want to? No. Do I have to? right now, I think this is the best thing I can do. Having to register for classes that never really crossed my mind is kind of overwhelming. I feel like I have to venture completely off the path that the worked so hard to find and stay on. Even though I have a passion for Spanish and a love for the language. i have to admit that my speaking skills are not where it needs to be. I had not prepare myself for the unwanted outcome. I thought I was going to work hard, and everything will work out the way it is suppose to – I was completely wrong. I am giving myself an extra year to complete my new plan of majoring both in Spanish and Health Promotion, which will help me in the long run. I just keep thinking of the time that I have invested and everyone who is graduating, then there is just me… poor little Julia who is still in college. Can I just start over, please?
Although I have been internally bummed out about the outcome of the semester, I am thankful that I have experienced this because I think God was testing me. For some reason, I could feel it throughout the semester; I just did not want to face the facts. I tried to stay positive throughout the whole thing, which is absolutely fine, but it hit me really hard… I mean really really hard. I could not process anything. And I felt like a failure. What am I suppose to do with all of the classes that I have taken, especially the science classes. Too much money and time have gone to this specific degree, and I have to take detour? Come on… a detour? To be honest, I felt like people did not care about me or my feelings at the moment in time. Everyone kept saying “it is going to be okay?” – I really hate this phrase although I use it often. How do you know it is going to be alright, and what if it is not alright? Then what?
I tell myself I am over it, but I do not think I am fully over it… maybe because the wound is still fresh and still hurts. I have to emerge myself in work to not think about it. I have to sleep to help my body recover from this crucial semester. But one thing for sure, I gave my first shot to a real person; I was able to build my confidence throughout the semester; I was able to give medications; I learned how to put an intravenous line in a hand; most importantly, I learned to not give up when the wind is blowing me in the opposite direction. I learned how to sacrifice something I really love, like sleep, for something I really want.
To conclude my ramble, because I am taking this other route, that does not mean I have to give up on my dreams completely, I just have to refocus and start again. I am taking different route to get me back on path.