My heart is heavy

Hey you.

I can finally sympathize with those who lost someone so close to them, where feelings were only empathy. My hearts hurts as I write this…

I’d never imagine that I would loose someone so important to me, my mother. I’m only 22, trying to finish college and figure out this world. Mom showed me that we could do anything if we simply put our minds to it and never give up.

I cared for mom during the time when she was in her most vulnerable state, throughout the transition. The word many people envy is what quickly surrounded us. I didn’t know this type existed, you have the wrong person. She didn’t do anything wrong, but she certainly kept the faith. Many sleepless went unbothered because she is my heart. I did everything simply for her, to make her smile and proud.

It’s difficult writing this, knowing that I’ve lost one of my best friends. A mother, who was simply a call a way. A mother, who was willing to give but hesitate to take. She might not have noticed, but her actions taught me that I have to work for what I want. She did it, so can I.

Life brings unexpected changes in the time of need. Some that many don’t adjust too well to. God gives but He takes when He’s ready, many of us aren’t prepared.

My heart left me on December 27th, 2015 at 07:34am. You were scared, but I was scared too. Although I was there every step of the way, I was not prepared for that day when you willingly answered His call. I needed you and still do. Sometimes, you think you are prepared when you are simply not. My life goes out to you. Your many sacrifices were noticed. Your smiling face and everlasting strength will remain on. I will cherish you and keep you alive. I know you are here, so close to me. You fought an unfair fight, but you never gave up. The amount of strength you had, still gives me hope to continue on.

I did everything for you, and I’m at a standstill. I’m struggling with wearing a smile to hide my anger and uncomfortableness. Life took you to soon, but your impact and legacy still remains.

Thank you for all that you have done for me and those around you. Everyone heart hurts differently, but we all feel the pain.

I didn’t think you would leave so soon, but you have left a lasting mark that will heal eventually. This wound hurts and it will heal with time. God wanted you home because your work here was finished and certainly temporary. I will not never forget you, just simply miss your voice and many talks. Thank you for having us not worry and making your education seem easy. I miss waiting for you to come home, going to mass, and telling me how proud you are of me and us.

I love you always and forever, mom.

 

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2 thoughts on “My heart is heavy

  1. I am so sorry for your loss. You posting brought tears to my eyes– I can’t imagine the pain you are going through. I noticed that the anniversary of her passing is coming up soon– you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

    Like

    • Thank you so much for responding. Tuesday was very much difficult for me. I wasn’t able to do much. Sorry for responding late. How is everything with you and nursing school?

      Like

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