Do all the things that scares you!

Hey you!

Image result for goals in life

 

If I wasn’t who I was, I wouldn’t be who I am.

Life takes us out of wack, just to bring us back in focus… At the beginning of the year, I wrote down everything I wanted to accomplish in 2017 on a note card. I’m not a structured person (I’m hoping the write a post about the title of my blog, which I have a meaning behind it), where I have a calendar, to do- list, or have a ritual that have to be accomplish before I begin my day. But I wanted to see what will happen if I just did something differently. As I look at this note card, I checked off four of the six things I wrote down.

Here is a snapshot of what I wrote:

  • Become a notary
  • Become a CNA II (certified nursing assistant)
  • Become a phlebotomist
  • Apply to Nursing school
  • Save as much as you can
  • Pay yourself first.

The last two things I wrote because I had seen an interview of Lisa Nichols, a very remarkable lady, towards the end of 2016 of how she was able to save. During the interview she mentioned the importance of paying yourself first. I never understand this concept because I worked for what I had and I considered myself to manage money well. But the importance of paying yourself first decreases the means of living paycheck to paycheck. She suggested each time you get pay, pay yourself between 10% and 20% of your salary. This doesn’t mean to save this percentage after you have spent whatever you have spent because you might have this percentage to save. But I can say this has been working for me because I am allowed me to save as much as I can.

Becoming a notary was never in my vision but I wanted to be one just in case family and friends needed one. I hasn’t made me less of a person, so I said why not and it will help me professionally. I wanted to become a CNA II and phlebotomist to help me with nursing school.

All of these things scared me because I didn’t know if I was going to be accomplish this. Without knowing, I am able to accomplish this one step of the way. I wasn’t always consistent. I registered for CNA II class in March and just now taking it in July.

Everything that scares you is meant to be accomplished. You can be stagnant, but just don’t get too comfortable. You will never know something if you don’t try.

 

 

Photo taken from google images.

A letter to my younger self

Hey Julia,

If you are reading this, I want you to know that life is not going to go as expected, but you will certainly adapt accordingly. You will work hard early on and continue to work hard until you are in the right place at the right time. You might be hesitant about some things in your life, but you will eventually become a person who will jump at opportunities on impose because you will know the more you think about something, the more you won’t do it.  However, there will be friendships where you will want to hold on as long as possible but those will eventually fade. You will learn to be strong in your most vulnerable state, always caring for others. Throughout the years, many people will come into your life, whether for a season or a reason and you will love them just for that. You will learn to appreciate life for what it is and not sweat the small stuff (this might take a long time to grasp). You will learn to eventually become carefree and free spirited. One day you will go off to school in a small town. You will fail, cry, but pick yourself back up again. It might take you a little longer to graduate, but you won’t let that stop you. During these years, you will meet some awesome people, travel many places, and fall in love with giving back. You will take risks (not too many). There will be a period in time where you will learn to love yourself, for all the flaws that you hated when you were growing up. People will love and value you for just the way you are. When you graduate from college, you will not obtained the degree you really want, but you will graduate with two. You will work the jobs you will be working. taking necessary classes in order to help you grow. You will be a dependable person in several people’s lives. You will have a way with money. You will have a gift of speaking positivity into others. You will encounter several different guys, which some will become good friends in the end. You will learn that keeping up with people is very important to you and try to stay connected with many. You will be a lover of music and signing. It will seem like work will consume your life for a little bit, but you will find a balance, don’t worry. There will be a significant loss in your life; you will take this hard but you will find a way to continue on. Later on in life, you will learn to take risks and trust the process. You will be a blessing in someone’s life. You will simply love you.

From,

24 years old Julie.

“It’s okay to not be okay.”

Hey you!

I wrote this during the time I was seeing a counselor while in school… over a year ago. I decided to finish it because this could help someone… 

Before I started to speak to someone, I thought my life had to be okay. I thought I had to simply absorb all my feelings and act like I was fine. I was always happy no matter what happened to me, or I just didn’t let things phase me. After my mom passed, my life had changed. I have to say, I thought failing out of nursing school was bad, but now I know that losing a person so close to you is the worst feeling ever. So one day while seeing my counselor before attending class, she said “Julia, it’s okay to not be okay.” Honestly, at the time I didn’t understand that because I thought I had to be okay. Everyone was depending on me to finish school and make my mom proud… which was a struggle but I did it. Everyone knew me to be happy, always smiling, always being positive… so I thought I had to be that happy Julia everyone knew. During this process, I learned it was important to confront my feelings and problems because it will eventually catch up with me, where I won’t have much control over them, which eventually happened.

Because this was written over a year ago, I would like to reflect on how I am now. Life isn’t easy, but it has become bearable in a way. I am able to channel my emotions in different areas of my life, such as working. I used to worry about other people being happy, which I often neglected myself. I still put people first, but my feelings are put into the equation too. I guess because mom worked all the time, that trait or characteristic of her has definitely been passed down. Although I’m always working, I’m thankful I’m able to find balance. I don’t suppress my feelings anymore, I guess everything is shown in my face, so if I’m tired or have an attitude, it is definitely known. I am living for myself slowing and surely although this is still a process. I’m trying new things and just living life a little on the edge now that I was some time. Because education is important to me, I still try to take a class I’m interested in here and there. Everything isn’t peaches and cream, but I’m smoothing them out.

If you or anyone is struggling with wanting to be okay while not being okay, whether through a loss or just being in difficult stage in life, it’s okay to not be okay because you’re not alone. Although you might feel alone, just know there are many people going through the same things just differently. And don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help because you will never know how someone or something will help you unless you actually reach out. We go through trails and tribulations, only for those things to make us ultimately stronger. Deal with whatever you are going through because it is bound to come up when you don’t it to.

Someone will always care about you even through your darkness moments. Sometimes, we have to evaluate life in order to know there is still a shining light at the end of the tunnel. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh Mother

My heart is empty

My heart is hurting

My smile isn’t full,

it isn’t as bright.

The memories of your life still remains,

Dancing in the winds.

The works and pain of your labor hasn’t gone in vain.

Your smile tells a story of the many tears  you’ve shed and sacrifices you’ve made.

We are young adults, but your presence is still needed, day in and day out

I’m now a motherless daughter, depending on my earthly and Heavenly Father

Some things we take for granted, but I cherish your time, laughter, and aspiration

The healing has started but at a slow pace, some days are better than others.

My heart, you left without saying your final words.

You’re still beating but without a sound.

My nights are lonely and sometimes quiet,

but you’re resting in His arms and your new found home.

I hope you kiss your siblings, embracing them with warm hugs. Don’t forget to tell grandma and grandpa I said hi.

If I could kiss you one more time, I certainly will. A hug, a smile. But until we meet again, I will remember your never forgettable smile.

 

 

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Today is your day  and I wanted to give this you. Happy birthday to the most loving person I know. May you continue to fly high and rest easy.

Today, God allowed you to enter this world.
Through the many years, you have graced the world with your presence.
The many people you have encountered, the many people you called your own
Your bright smile brought warmth and comfort to many
You shine bright through the broken pieces that turned the pain into good.
It’s surreal that we celebrate your presence while you constantly surrounds us.
We can’t see you, but you are here
The many night of waiting up. Oh, how I miss those.
The many phone call, mostly saying how proud you are of us.
You always did everything wholeheartedly, with a smile so bright as day.
Even through the mist of your difficult times, you gave Him praise.
So many talk about your good and strength.

Your hopefulness kept my spirit alive
I didn’t know that saying goodbye would be so soon, that the pain still carries on
I smile because I see your smiling face
This is not goodbye but see you later.
May you fly high not only this day but everyday.
I hope to find comfort in your memories, in your words, and in your strength.
A hug and kiss I send to you

And they fell

Hey you!

Towards the wee hours of the morning, the tears fell. I don’t know why or how. Sometimes I sing in order to express my feelings, but I guess I needed to release some sadness and pain. It’s difficult wanting to do right but everything wrong at the same time. I just want to live a little more.

I feel like when I need you the most you are drifting away. I know life gets the best of us, but I’m still here. When I try to be understanding you tighten your hold, which is easy for you because I know I’m forgiving. It’s not fair that you have faded, but I’m still here. Going through the emotions are easy until you finally start to endure the mental and physical pain. It’s hard, but every day I take another step forward. I look back at me then, how I was greatly depressed and sad.

Things can slowly progress if you allow positive thoughts to encounter your mind. Sadness and pain is never easy, but just take a little inch forward, and it will make a major difference.

Just my thoughts

I love you so much, that I feel empty without you. I yearn for your laughter, your touch, your wisdom that have left us so soon. At the end of the weekday, I will be another year older, but the pain still remains. You’re here, but not here to physically tell me happy birthday. I’m getting sadder, a little madder, and a little empty. Hearing you say that everything will be alright will make a difference. I know that He’s holding you real close, or you’re enjoying this time with your parents. Images keep playing in the mind, every bit of action that occurred. The words pierce, as I hear there’s nothing I or we can do. It’s difficult living in this lonely with just memories, that were once filled with many words. I will miss you sending me sweet messages that brighten my day.  I don’t want the tears to fall because the pain will come to life. I sit with a smile as my thoughts consume me day in and day out. This pain won’t leave, although sometimes I feel like I’m fighting it. I don’t want to fight because my emotions with fight me, even harder. I confided in a person or persons. Each one takes the my pain, allowing me to heal with each and every time. See, I think I’m scared, I think I’m going to break beyond my control.  I feel empty inside, that I let my words and thoughts consume me. I miss your wisdoms, your touch, and your laughter. I love you so much

My heart is heavy

Hey you.

I can finally sympathize with those who lost someone so close to them, where feelings were only empathy. My hearts hurts as I write this…

I’d never imagine that I would loose someone so important to me, my mother. I’m only 22, trying to finish college and figure out this world. Mom showed me that we could do anything if we simply put our minds to it and never give up.

I cared for mom during the time when she was in her most vulnerable state, throughout the transition. The word many people envy is what quickly surrounded us. I didn’t know this type existed, you have the wrong person. She didn’t do anything wrong, but she certainly kept the faith. Many sleepless went unbothered because she is my heart. I did everything simply for her, to make her smile and proud.

It’s difficult writing this, knowing that I’ve lost one of my best friends. A mother, who was simply a call a way. A mother, who was willing to give but hesitate to take. She might not have noticed, but her actions taught me that I have to work for what I want. She did it, so can I.

Life brings unexpected changes in the time of need. Some that many don’t adjust too well to. God gives but He takes when He’s ready, many of us aren’t prepared.

My heart left me on December 27th, 2015 at 07:34am. You were scared, but I was scared too. Although I was there every step of the way, I was not prepared for that day when you willingly answered His call. I needed you and still do. Sometimes, you think you are prepared when you are simply not. My life goes out to you. Your many sacrifices were noticed. Your smiling face and everlasting strength will remain on. I will cherish you and keep you alive. I know you are here, so close to me. You fought an unfair fight, but you never gave up. The amount of strength you had, still gives me hope to continue on.

I did everything for you, and I’m at a standstill. I’m struggling with wearing a smile to hide my anger and uncomfortableness. Life took you to soon, but your impact and legacy still remains.

Thank you for all that you have done for me and those around you. Everyone heart hurts differently, but we all feel the pain.

I didn’t think you would leave so soon, but you have left a lasting mark that will heal eventually. This wound hurts and it will heal with time. God wanted you home because your work here was finished and certainly temporary. I will not never forget you, just simply miss your voice and many talks. Thank you for having us not worry and making your education seem easy. I miss waiting for you to come home, going to mass, and telling me how proud you are of me and us.

I love you always and forever, mom.

 

an unexpected curve ball

Hey you!

I would like to apologize for the absence of not writing; life is always busy. So I’m finally is the last home stretch game of my college career, and I was thrown an out of the loop request that I can’t seem to shake. Getting ready for graduation, while attending class, can be stressful. However, as I was getting my graduation form signed, one of my professors asked me a question that has been asked but in a  different way. “Julia, Why aren’t you majoring in Spanish?” My first thought was I can’t speak Spanish very well. I become super nervous and my words don’t sound the same out loud as they perfectly sound in my head. Mind you, I have been studying Spanish since Junior year of high school. I can attest my Spanish has improve in the written part and a little for the speaking.

So, I went to see how many credits I already have in this department. I can’t believe that I only need 5 more classes in order to obtain a bachelor’s in Spanish. I always wanted to have a degree in Spanish and Nursing although the latter is going to be fulfilled at a later time, but I’m reaching this goal naturally. I’m taking Spanish classes to fulfill my concentration, but why not play the game a little longer?

I’m expected to graduate in the Spring with a degree in Exercise Science (the name is longer) and a concentration in Spanish. I don’t want to extend another year because that’s more money that I don’t have. But I’m thankful that God is allowing me to accomplish one of the goals I have internally set.

So do I continue playing, ignore the curveball, or finish the game strong?

I’m still considering the curveball, but I don’t want to speak too soon.

Remember, decisions are hard to make, especially when you are finally on a solid direction moving steadily. But don’t miss a different path that could help you, because you are focused, not saying we shouldn’t be focused.

Explore while you still have the chance.

As always, I hope you have a wonderful day, the sky looks clear enjoy Mother Nature.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, wishing you a stress free week.

How BIG is your faith?

Buenos días (good morning) You!

I don’t talk a lot about my faith because I know everyone believes differently, which is totally understandable, and I do respect dearly.

Have you ever had days where your faith seemed so big, and others where your faith seemed so small; you didn’t know what to do? I’m not talking about faith because today is Sunday, and people usually give this day to Him. I’m going to keep this very simple because I know this can apply to all of us, including I, regardless whoever we choose to have faith in:

Don’t loose faith because your road seems to constantly change when everything is going right, at a certain moment. Don’t loose faith when you are trying to stretch your last meal because don’t know where the next is coming from. Don’t loose faith when you suddenly have to change careers or major after investing so many time in one and don’t know when you are going to graduate or be at the level you were. See, what I am saying is when you tend to loose faith is the time when you have to start walking by faith. Don’t question anything, just do what you know how to do and things will work out. I can’t promise this to be a guarantee because I don’t know what tomorrow holds, but just as small as a mustard seed is, we can start with this much faith and watch how much our faith expands.

Be loving, but don’t forget to love yourself too.

Have a wonderful week and thank you so much for taking the time to read this and others.